So indeed I have started another cycle. It's kind of a relief when you're waiting and waiting for something to happen. I noticed I was extremely irritable yesterday, and even our dogs annoyed me. Hubby would be glad he wasn't around. ;-) I suppose the estrogen (I think) is a-ragin' and doin' its job at what it does! I haven't noticed the irritability like this in a long time... (telling myself not to read into it -- like maybe my body is finally getting ready for conception and carrying to term??) So I focused on watching an episode of Heroes and prepared a freezer meal. Also cramping is pretty bad.
Dear darling hubby returns Friday night from his work trip. I'm looking forward to us spending quality time with each other. I know that can get forgotten all too easily once baby comes!
1.31.2007
1.30.2007
Why, God?
I know we shouldn't question God, but... I just don't get it! A friend of a friend is 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child. She will have an 18-mo old, an infant, and a toddler in about 9 months! She is stressed and not very happy about it yet. It's unplanned and totally an accident. She had just been fitted for a diaphram! OOPS too late! Grrrrrr! I know this woman has been praying for us and I really do wish the best for her and her family. Any baby is a Precious Gift. However, with the struggle we have been through so far, I really do marvel at how many accident babies enter this world. I have to trust that God knows what's best for us and that He is walking right along with us in this journey!
Waaa It's Not Fair
I know we shouldn't question God, but... I just don't get it! A friend of a friend is 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child. She will have an 18-mo old, an infant, and a toddler in about 9 months! She is stressed and not very happy about it yet. It's unplanned and totally an accident. She had just been fitted for a diaphram! OOPS too late! Grrrrrr! I know this woman has been praying for us and I really do wish the best for her and her family. I have to trust that God knows what's best for me and that he is walking right along with me in this journey!
Just had to vent.
Just had to vent.
Returning Friday
Jason is to return Friday night. He's scheduled to fly out of Obregon, Mexico 1025 EST and arrive in Charlottesville @ 2040 EST (with a couple of different flights in between). The dogs and I will be so excited! He hasn't been feeling well. :( Something with his stomach and bad allergies. (No, he's not drinking the water.) He's ready to come home.
We had my good friend spend the weekend with her boys (1 and 4). They were a joy and the dogs loved having them. We both were so impressed with how well they did with the little kids. Yay that is great for us when and if we have the pitter patter of those little feet! ;-)
We had my good friend spend the weekend with her boys (1 and 4). They were a joy and the dogs loved having them. We both were so impressed with how well they did with the little kids. Yay that is great for us when and if we have the pitter patter of those little feet! ;-)
12 DPO, CD 32... or CD 1? (12 days past ovulation & cycle day 32... or cycle day 1?)
Not sure if I should mark this down as CD 1 (1st day of full red flow) or not... will decide tonight. My basal temps are still going down (see my fertility chart link)...
I'm not as sad anymore but am looking ahead now to a new cycle. Mainly just really tired from a fun weekend with my friend who brought her kids and spent 2 nights with me. (Hubby is in Mexico for a 2-week trip for work.) At best I have a 25% chance of conception each month (assuming good health). So I'm thinking next month has to be it! But I'm trying so hard to give it all up to God and pray that He knows the best timing for us.
Many thanks to all of you who are praying for us! {{{{HUGS}}}}
I'm not as sad anymore but am looking ahead now to a new cycle. Mainly just really tired from a fun weekend with my friend who brought her kids and spent 2 nights with me. (Hubby is in Mexico for a 2-week trip for work.) At best I have a 25% chance of conception each month (assuming good health). So I'm thinking next month has to be it! But I'm trying so hard to give it all up to God and pray that He knows the best timing for us.
Many thanks to all of you who are praying for us! {{{{HUGS}}}}
1.29.2007
11 DPO (11 days past ovulation)
Got so sad today. Probably partly hormonal since period is coming... But hugely disappointed. '-(
1.28.2007
10 DPO (10 days past ovulation)
Got a BFN (big fat negative) on the HPT (home pregnancy test)! Still spotting. Pretty sure it's my period. Big disappointment is looming ahead! Est. due date would have been 10/11/07... *sigh* Got a basal thermometer today that I'm borrowing from a dear friend at church. Hopefully it will be a bit more accurate than my current thermometer for my charting. Starting to look ahead to a new cycle and spending good quality time with hubby.
1.27.2007
9 DPO (9 days past ovulation)
Today I started spotting. It's either my period or implantation spotting. Of course, I'm really hoping for the latter. However I have no pregnancy symptoms at all. I know that's not much of an indication because some pregnancies never give you symptoms (my mother, for one, didn't have many symptoms). So, I'm still very hopeful... We'll see what tomorrow tells!
1.26.2007
First
Howdy, so here is my first post on this blog. I have felt the urge to write more about this part of my life journey but I'm not ready to shout it out to the world, so I decided to create this private blog. It's hard to tell the world that you're trying to conceive (TTC). I would dread hearing "are you pregnant?" every time I see somebody. And the advice... some of the advice that I hear can get old... but I welcome it too because I know you are trying to help, and I may just learn something, truly! Also, it's hard to know who to tell before that "safe" period before the miscarriage risk. I would want to surround myself with people who can support me if that happens again, but it would be hard to hear somebody I hadn't seen every day ask about the pregnancy after I had lost the baby.
But anyway, consider yourself privileged if you are reading this. ;-) And it goes without saying, but please keep the subject matter "private."
It has been quite a journey thus far. You likely know most of my story up to now. My husband, Jason, and I started TTC in May of '06, conceived right away, and had a miscarriage last July. I have blogged about my experiences of that ordeal on our family webblog (click here for those posts). Since then, we have tried off and on, but have given it a "good honest try" for only 4 months since losing our angel.
I started charting and temping, as they say in this TTC community. The link to my fertility chart is here. It's confusing if you know nothing about the subject but basically the vertical line shows when I ovulate, and I can keep track of all sorts of signs and symptoms throughout my womanly cycle. Our bodies are so confusing yet so amazing. I've found comfort in getting to know my body on this level. I never knew it had so much to tell me!
I hope you will enjoy this walk along with me to this destination only God is sure of!
But anyway, consider yourself privileged if you are reading this. ;-) And it goes without saying, but please keep the subject matter "private."
It has been quite a journey thus far. You likely know most of my story up to now. My husband, Jason, and I started TTC in May of '06, conceived right away, and had a miscarriage last July. I have blogged about my experiences of that ordeal on our family webblog (click here for those posts). Since then, we have tried off and on, but have given it a "good honest try" for only 4 months since losing our angel.
I started charting and temping, as they say in this TTC community. The link to my fertility chart is here. It's confusing if you know nothing about the subject but basically the vertical line shows when I ovulate, and I can keep track of all sorts of signs and symptoms throughout my womanly cycle. Our bodies are so confusing yet so amazing. I've found comfort in getting to know my body on this level. I never knew it had so much to tell me!
I hope you will enjoy this walk along with me to this destination only God is sure of!
1.23.2007
Coming to Term
It occurred to me that I probably did not mention 1 of the books I read that helped me understand miscarriages better. I belong to several online support groups for women who are TTC ("cyber" for trying to conceive) after miscarriage or just plain TTC. I recommended this book to 1 of the women who has suffered 4 miscarriages and in between each one she hears about family members who are pregnant. It is so heartbreaking to hear that kind of news close to your own loss. Anyway the book offers hope whether you've had 1 or 10 losses. Think of this post if you know someone who might benefit. The book is Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth About Miscarriage by Jon Cohen.
1.19.2007
Away He Goes
Jason leaves Monday for Mexico. His loooong day of travel will include...
DEPART Charlottesville @ 0655 EST
ARRIVE Ciudad Obregon @ 1900 (pretty sure that is 2100 EST)
Of course I will miss him every day, but I think Indy will too! Razor, hmm, he is so laid back (typical Labrador), I don't think it will scar him too badly. J & Indy are *tight*
DEPART Charlottesville @ 0655 EST
ARRIVE Ciudad Obregon @ 1900 (pretty sure that is 2100 EST)
Of course I will miss him every day, but I think Indy will too! Razor, hmm, he is so laid back (typical Labrador), I don't think it will scar him too badly. J & Indy are *tight*
1.08.2007
Try a New Service Next Week
On Sunday we attended a new-to-us worship of sorts. My friend Matt invited us to their "Gospel meeting." I thought what better way than to use this medium and write about my reflection.
First a little bit of background. Matt wrote about his church, and rather than try to re-explain it, here's the link to that entry.
Since my year in LVC, I have been more open to attending and participating in different religious services. Not just Christian. Baha'i, for example, and Jewish. I am not searching spiritually for a new religion, but I appreciate a better understanding of how other folk live! A tenant of LVC is to grow spiritually, and to do that I feel we must have an understanding of where our friends and community members are spiritually rooted.
I decided not to ask many questions about the meeting and to arrive and go with what happened. These are fellow Christians, after all, how different could it be? I enjoy attending different churches also (Presbyterian, Baptist, Catholic, etc), but somehow I always end up back in the Lutheran church. I entered with an open mind.
We arrived at the house where they meet, just a few minutes from our house in fact. Since doing my LVC year and learning more about diversity, I have been more in tune with race in different situations and noticed that every soul (about 20 couple) in the room was Caucasian. Nothing good, bad, or indifferent about it, just an observation.
Before the meeting started, everyone was very quiet. They appeared reflective, and some were reading their Bibles. I didn't bring mine, so I prayed. This was very different for me as I'm accustomed to fellowship and sharing before service. Then promptly at 1000, meeting started with an a cappella hymn, followed by the sharing of prayers, communion, general reflections about the week, and another hymn. (I hope I didn't leave out a component.)
Throughout the meeting, I felt that I missed so many parts of a Lutheran service. I found myself trying to remember the Apostle's Creed, a piece of liturgy we say almost every week. I came home promptly to look it up and recite it. I also said the Lord's Prayer to myself a few times. I actually yearned for the rhythm, cadence, flow, liturgy, and responsiveness of the traditional Lutheran service. (A reader or minister calls out or sings and the congregation reads or sings a response.) This tradition has very old roots, I believe dating back to the Catholic church, pre-Luther. Even with communion, as the bread and wine were passed, I said to myself, "The body of Christ, given for you" and "The blood of Christ, shed for you."
Also I missed the message, the sermon, a leader. In the Lutheran church we stand for the Gospel reading out of respect for the Gospel, and afterward the pastor gives a message, or sermon, that relates to that week's reading. I feel that is where I "get something" out of service. Along with the music. I love the musical component of a Lutheran service.
What I learned:
First a little bit of background. Matt wrote about his church, and rather than try to re-explain it, here's the link to that entry.
Since my year in LVC, I have been more open to attending and participating in different religious services. Not just Christian. Baha'i, for example, and Jewish. I am not searching spiritually for a new religion, but I appreciate a better understanding of how other folk live! A tenant of LVC is to grow spiritually, and to do that I feel we must have an understanding of where our friends and community members are spiritually rooted.
I decided not to ask many questions about the meeting and to arrive and go with what happened. These are fellow Christians, after all, how different could it be? I enjoy attending different churches also (Presbyterian, Baptist, Catholic, etc), but somehow I always end up back in the Lutheran church. I entered with an open mind.
We arrived at the house where they meet, just a few minutes from our house in fact. Since doing my LVC year and learning more about diversity, I have been more in tune with race in different situations and noticed that every soul (about 20 couple) in the room was Caucasian. Nothing good, bad, or indifferent about it, just an observation.
Before the meeting started, everyone was very quiet. They appeared reflective, and some were reading their Bibles. I didn't bring mine, so I prayed. This was very different for me as I'm accustomed to fellowship and sharing before service. Then promptly at 1000, meeting started with an a cappella hymn, followed by the sharing of prayers, communion, general reflections about the week, and another hymn. (I hope I didn't leave out a component.)
Throughout the meeting, I felt that I missed so many parts of a Lutheran service. I found myself trying to remember the Apostle's Creed, a piece of liturgy we say almost every week. I came home promptly to look it up and recite it. I also said the Lord's Prayer to myself a few times. I actually yearned for the rhythm, cadence, flow, liturgy, and responsiveness of the traditional Lutheran service. (A reader or minister calls out or sings and the congregation reads or sings a response.) This tradition has very old roots, I believe dating back to the Catholic church, pre-Luther. Even with communion, as the bread and wine were passed, I said to myself, "The body of Christ, given for you" and "The blood of Christ, shed for you."
Also I missed the message, the sermon, a leader. In the Lutheran church we stand for the Gospel reading out of respect for the Gospel, and afterward the pastor gives a message, or sermon, that relates to that week's reading. I feel that is where I "get something" out of service. Along with the music. I love the musical component of a Lutheran service.
What I learned:
- While it would be ideal for us to find a church closer to home, I'm really happy with the leadership, fellowship, and various ministries that Muhlenberg has available.
- The Lutheran service is "comfortable" for me, but I am able to enjoy it even more now as an adult and reflect on each component the more I get to study each one. The more I enjoy a service, the closer I feel to God.
- I was especially impressed with the thoughtful scripture reflection that the members made. I hope this is my "boost" and inspiration to make time for daily scripture readings.
Praise God from Whom ALL Blessings Flow!
I have been saying this to myself the past week or so. I'm not sure why it's gotten in my head. A true message from Him, I'm sure. It's the first line of a Christian hymn, "Doxology." We sung it a lot in the church in which I grew up (Pleasant View Lutheran Church, Staunton), and I probably haven't sung it in years, so it surprised me when I began rehearsing it to myself. I don't typically break out in song, so I got an odd look from Jason at home. :) The verse reads as follows:
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;And so, in between breaking out in song singing this tune, I have been mentally Praising God and Giving Thanks for my various blessings this week:
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host.
Praise Father, Son & Holy Ghost.
Amen.
- good health
- vocation I enjoy
- happy marriage
- safe and warm shelter
- new friends who invite me to worship with them
- renewed and growing peace and support during our TTC journey
- and everything(one) else I take for granted on a daily basis
1.05.2007
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, To Mexico He Goes
I don't remember the 7 Dwarfs ever Hi Ho-ing to Mexico, but Jason is on his way there again on the 22nd for ASR. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about the locality.
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