10 DPO (10d past ovulation)

Not feeling very hopeful for that BFP (big fat positive)... But I also think that that's when it happens--when we are least expecting it. My breasts are sore and today I started spotting. Both are good signs of pregnancy or menses. My PMS this cycle was much worse than in the past. I haven't felt it so extreme since before the pill. I stopped it over a year ago! Also I have not noticed breast tenderness before menses since before going on the pill. So if menses appears, I am hopeful that my hormones are finally "regulating" and are getting back to my "normal" range, whatever that may be. It could be the B6 and evening primrose oil that I started this cycle, or just plain my body doing its womanly thing it needs to do.

If menses doesn't show up by Thursday, I'm testing that morning!

7 DPO (7d past ovulation)

Ugh so another learning curve in the journey to motherhood. On one of my online groups (that I had actually considered leaving), I learned that the man should not sit in a hot tub (knew that one) OR a hot bath while trying to get conceive (ttc)! Just 10 minutes in a hot bath can kill sperm for 90 days!!!! They are constantly being reproduced but it takes that long for the swimmers to mature! DUH! I can't believe I never thought of this. Well, I can. I guess I assumed they reproduce in a few days and you're fine again. J loves his hot baths... *sigh* Oh well at least we know now! It's frustrating but a relief in a way if that's really been our problem all along since it's easily reversible. I'm glad I didn't leave that group! The woman who told me said her husband's urologist is insistent that they should be able to get pregnant soon after 90 days from the time he stopped his hot baths! So if that's true for us, too, that puts us at conceiving after May 23. Maybe it's a sign--we conceived in May of 2006 the first time!

Our other problem that we discovered a few months back was using lubrication. Little did we know it kills the swimmers before they ever reach my cervix! That should be a warning on the tube! But then it would be used as a contraceptive and they would get sued by somebody who got pregnant by accident. So, we stopped using that right away.

The hot bath thing just makes me wonder again about the miscarriage... maybe, just maybe, a sperm that wasn't fully matured was somehow able to fertilize the egg, which caused a genetic abnormality (very common cause of miscarriages).

I am feeling no different than in past months at this time in the cycle... Not feeling very hopeful for a BFP (big fat positive) this month. If menses doesn't show and temperature stays up, I plan to test on March 1.

5 DPO - 3 Steps Back!

OK so Fertility Friend has changed my ovulation date grrrr! This is so frustrating! And it still has dashed crosshairs meaning another fertility sign (microscope ferning) is conflicting with my temperature rise (again) indicating ovulation on CD (cycle day) 18 instead of 15! Ugh! So I am pushing back my test date to March 1 if my menses doesn't appear. That is the end of my assumed average luteal phase length of 13 days... So, in line with the ttc journey--more waiting!

Thinking positive++++++++++++++ thoughts!

7 DPO (7d past ovulation) - I Want to Become A Mother Because

Thinking positive++++++++++ thoughts! ;-)

(See entry 2.19.07) I want to become a mother because...

• I feel deep down that I still have tons and tons of hugs and love to give to a child of my own.
• I would be so grateful to allow the presence of my own flesh share my body with me to grow healthy and strong.
• Did I mention I have a lot of love to give?
• I have prayed and asked God to bless us with a baby of our own to hold. I do feel He wants this for us too, at the right time.
• Our house is too big for two!
• Children are such joys!
• Raising me and my brother have been my mother's proudest accomplishments. I want to follow in those steps.
  

6 DPO (6 days past ovulation)

Given that my menses stays away long enough, I plan to start testing at 14 or 15 DPO. I believe that's next Wednesday already! I pray this week(+) will go quickly!

I loved this passage from a fellow TTC group member to another member (edited for quick typing grammar mistakes):

One thing I know for sure is that we create a lot that is going on in our lives. God just allows us to create, and whenever we ask for help, it is truly provided. We have a responsibility to our own lives and if we want to have babies, we can have babies! A lot of times, our bodies are talking to us and we aren't listening. Here are some statements for you to write in your journal I got when I was reading this article on actually being ready to walk the path of motherhood and checking in with your soul on motherhood:

• I want to become a mother because...
  
• I'm not sure whether I want to become a mother because...
  
• If I don't try to get pregnant now, then what? What are your concerns and fears? If you were not to enter the path of motherhood now at this time, what would that be like?
  
• What are the best and worst things about entering motherhood now? What are the easiest and hardest things? How might this impact your relationship with yourself? With your partner? With your career? When you think about entering into a relationship with another, new being, how does it make you feel? What excites you about it? What scares you?

I love these questions because I was able to be in the moment of being a mother. Just in that moment, I was able to see my life changed and my everyday chores being different. So wonderful to feel this experience and know that all things are possible.

I say all of this to say, please let go of the envy, resentment, doubt, and all that "stuff" and be happy for those around you that have what you want because they are a mirror for you to see that you too have these things. (OK, it's easy for me to say this... trust me... I'm dealing with it too!)

I plan to address these questions in this blog in the days to come...