CD 14 (cycle day 14)

Another cycle waiting for ovulation... I have decided to make this blog public. Opened wide to the world. You may be able to have "certain" suspicions if it abruptly becomes private again. *wink wink* ... Let's hope. I really have nothing to hide other than if I happen to see another BFP (see my new abbreviation list if you need help with that one), we need to be careful about who finds out first... or last... I don't necessarily mind if the world finds out we get pregnant and then we miscarry... again. I don't even like to speculate, but I have to protect my emotions and be a realist too. We very well could have another loss. At any rate, we'll decide what to do with the blog (private or public) once that time comes (and praying that it does).

Northeast Trip

We are thinking of visiting a couple of friends in Massachusetts & New York City, and seeing some sights. Here are some scattered thoughts about our trip. We've never spent longer than 1 or 2 days in the City. Please offer any words of advice or suggestions for us on what to see or do... or not!

Miscellaneous

We attended a surprise 60th birthday party tonight for Uncle Jim. They had him fooled until he saw his son's (Jason's cousin) car. Then he knew he had been "set up" in his words. What a fun night, though. He is such a good sport.

We need to take pictures of the living room. It is "torn apart" in almost every sense. When we bought the house in '03 almost every room and hallway had the horrifying 70s wallpaper... and shag carpet. We're down to seven rooms and one hallway (I think--sometimes my math isn't the best) with the ugly wallpaper. Anyway the living room has the wains coating removed and I've finally finished stripping wallpaper and washing off the paste. No more wallpaper!! Ever!! I think it is supposedly fairly easy to remove the newer type of wallpaper and paste, but after everything we've seen and done thus far, I don't think we would want to touch it ever again! It seems so much easier to paint a new color when you're bored with the look. I've even tried my hand at sponge painting in the dining room. My friend actually thought it was wallpaper, so I must have done a decent job.

Tomorrow I'll do a pilates class at Gold's Gym with a friend I've met through church who also has struggled with fertility (i.e., multiple miscarriages and a still birth). I need to get back to an exercise routine. It really helps my stress level. Hopefully this class can be my push back into it.

Jason is off to Mexico again in a week. It won't be so bad for us this time since it will be only one week instead of two (barring no travel challenges on the return trip).

CD 10 (cycle day 10)

I'm feeling much better and more at peace about my decision to see Dr Bateman, the RE. I saw our cousin tonight who lost her twins at 20 weeks, and she gave a glowing recommendation of him (her friend uses him). I talked with Jason more and he also feels that it's a good idea at least to see if we're missing anything, or if there are any tests to run to see if anything obvious is holding us back. Sometimes I feel I'm being impatient and I'm not allowing myself to fully trust God's plan and timing. But maybe we need to go through this process. Besides, what if something is uncovered that could help us prevent another miscarriage? I doubt we will revel a medical explanation of why the first one happened. But who knows. You learn to try not to expect much in the process of TTC so you are not overly disappointed with each stage. It's a constant mind game with yourself.

CD 8 (cycle day 8) - Do We Need Help?

Soooo, we're off the "break." I have to admit that I was disappointed all over again this cycle, even though we were "on a break." However, I did relax more and it wasn't as nearly as disappointing as in past months. I do feel somewhat refreshed. The break was much needed.

I'm prayerfully and strongly considering making a consultation appointment with an RE - reproductive endocrinologist (i.e., fertility specialist). Part of me does not want to "waste" the money since all logical signs tell us we can still get pregnant naturally on our own. But say we go through the fertility testing--how can you put a price on peace of mind, knowing what could or probably won't go wrong? I'm also nervous about finding out too much information. "Over" educating sometimes gives you that much more to worry about.

With all that said, I'm probably still going to call and at least find out how closely they would monitor my first few weeks if and when we do get pregnant again. That is the emotional part I will need. When I asked my OB if more frequent ultrasounds would be ordered in a subsequent pregnancy, he simply stated that there is no evidence to support that ultrasounds positively affect the health of the baby. Well duh! How about my stress and anxiety levels that first trimester when you cannot feel movements yet? There is evidence that says the stress hormones are no good for baby! Stupid doctors! If the RE practice will monitor Baby K. closely with blood tests and/or ultrasounds, I will probably go ahead and make that first appointment. I am against taking fertility drugs at this point, but hopefully we will not need them since I appear to be ovulating and at least most things appear to be working properly thus far...