1.30.2007
Why, God?
I know we shouldn't question God, but... I just don't get it! A friend of a friend is 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child. She will have an 18-mo old, an infant, and a toddler in about 9 months! She is stressed and not very happy about it yet. It's unplanned and totally an accident. She had just been fitted for a diaphram! OOPS too late! Grrrrrr! I know this woman has been praying for us and I really do wish the best for her and her family. Any baby is a Precious Gift. However, with the struggle we have been through so far, I really do marvel at how many accident babies enter this world. I have to trust that God knows what's best for us and that He is walking right along with us in this journey!
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Well, I for one believe we can ask questions of God. Now that is probably different than the old adage about not questioning God. But here is something else I would like to suggest to you, Paige.
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in God as the creator of all things. The good, the bad, the ugly and the evil. Might be hard to swallow for evangelicals, hear me out.
I believe God created life long before there was life. And with all things, there have been a lot of changes down through time. Some of it our doing, i.e. Mankind’s doing, some of it just nature, and some of it for reasons we most likely will never know. Why you are not conceiving may not be a part of God’s plan for you and Jason at all. I believe that God is sympathetic to our desires and I also think that some things that happen to us make God weep.
But I also don’t believe God micro-manages our lives. Scripture tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us, and that His grace is able to get us through anything life can bring us.
I think I understand how much a woman wants her own children. I saw that in Deborah. But Deborah had to come to the place where she could set that aside, as well as set aside any bad feelings she might have had because of the circumstances that created her not being able to conceive, and be gifted with a beautiful little girl from a totally different blood line and culture.
As for questioning God about your situation, I would suggest you lay it all before Him, tell Him how disappointed you are, but also commit your future to Him and ask Him for a special gift of a child. Children are on loan to us no matter who conceived them. My sister has a 6 year old that was conceived by her deceased oldest son (after the fact, obviously) and a crack user. The little boy was taken from his mother by the state at birth because of her ongoing drug use, and award to the paternal grandparents upon their request.
They love him, correct him, and are raising him as their own. And he has been a monster for 6 years. But I understand he seems to be settling down now, just like the doctors predicted, at around 6 years old.
My heart ached for you when I read your blog, and I waited until God could settle my thoughts to make this suggestion of asking God for a gift of His choosing. I realize I am not in you or Jason’s shoes, but this is what God suggest to me, now at 57. How I would feel at your age I can’t remember.
Blessings, Bruce.
When I first read this entry a hymn came to mind that says, "When my heart is heavy burdened and I cannot understand, things in life I cannot alter, I will leave in Jesus' hands."
ReplyDeleteI refrained from commenting on the post because, for me anyway, I can only hear so many poems, hymns, and cliches before I just get sick of them all. Maybe that's where you're at, I don't know.
I appreciated what Bruce shared. I find myself feeling the same way.
I was reading in Jonah last week and noticed that is says that "God prepared the fish". And, in the very next verse, it says that Jonah "Prayed his way out of the fishes belly."
I think that God sometimes does prepare trials for us. But not always. But, whether he prepares them or if they're just unfortunate occurances, he is always there with us to see us through.
I'm very thankful for trials that I've had in the past. They sucked at the time but now I can look back at them and see the growth that happened because of them.
I hope you'll be looking back on this experience soon. With a little one on your lap, of course.